


The Time of The Pill

by crackerscheese



Category: Fake News RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dark, Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-06-18
Updated: 2013-06-26
Packaged: 2017-12-15 10:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,652
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/848393
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crackerscheese/pseuds/crackerscheese
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In an alternate reality in 2005, the government releases a new drug: The Pill, a miracle drug that changed the country forever, but not in the way everyone thinks it will. In the aftermath, it's up to the remaining staff of the Daily Show to reverse the effect of The Pill. It won't be easy, they'll be against most of the country, including their families. In a America whose freedom has been under attack, will they succeed, or will they succumb to The Pill and the will of a corrupt government?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Jon Stewart shuffled some papers on his desk, anxiously waiting for the commercial break to end. His guest tonight was the Commissioner of the FDA. It was an unusual choice for a guest, but it was an unusual tonight. The Commissioner had chosen to go on this show of all places to announce a special drug that was supposed to be released at the end of the month. This drug is one of the first major things the newly installed Cheney administration has announced during the first 100 days of its existence. Jon didn't trust Cheney and the way he got into office, so he was dreading to hear about the new drug.

Jon was alerted of the fact that the _Daily Show_ has returned from commercial break. "Welcome back, everybody. My guest tonight is Commissioner of the FDA, Mark McClellan."

Mark McClellan filed out to be welcomed with polite applause. His head was covered with thin white that was flecked with strands of brown hair, a small reminder of how the hair once was. Jon quashed the urge to touch his own hair, which was slowly starting to become grey. Wrinkles lined around the Head's eyes, which were a bright blue. Laugh lines surrounded his mouth so Jon knew that the man was a jolly fellow. He seemed to be the opposite of what Jon thought a head of a government department to be. Jon decided quickly that he liked this man.

He shook hands with Jon before finding his seat. Jon took his seat before he said, "Look we've all been waiting for this big announcement you're going to make, so let's get right to it."

McClellan smiled, eager to announce the news. "I'm announcing, on this show, the release of world-changing drug that will change the whole country, and eventually the world."

"What is the drug's name?" Jon asked.

The audience leaned in in anticipation as McClellan rummaged in the pocket and pulled out a pill that was the size of a baby carrot. The white pill was bright red at the tips and between them it was periodically striped with blue. Red, white, and blue. Just like...

"The American flag," Jon said to himself, and McClellan overheard him.

"Cool, isn't it?" he said, and Jon decided that the Commissioner was a bit too cheery to be working for the government. "This is The Pill," McClellan announced.

"What an original name," Jon muttered sarcastically, and the audience laughed.

"This little miracle can save millions of lives," McClellan continued, ignoring Jon's interjection.

"What do you mean?" Jon asked, intrigued.

"This pill," McClellan grinned smugly, "Can cure any known disease in the world." The audience gasped, and the crew was shocked, judging by the looks on their faces. Jon gazed at McClellan in disbelief.

"That can't be possible," Jon stated.

"It is," McClellan declared.

Jon snatched The Pill from McClellan's hands and inspected it himself. "You're saying," he said finally, "That this little pill can cure any disease in the world?"

"Yep," McClellan simply.

"Even cancer?" Jon asked, challenging him.

"Even cancer," McClellan repeated.

"AIDS?"

"That one too." Jon gave him the slightest hint of a smile, unable to accept that Cheney of all presidents was the one that created this miracle drug.

"Diabetes, Alzheimer's?" Jon asked.

"We've got them all covered," McClellan said, and Jon believed him. What he didn't believe was that The Pill was the perfect drug. There had to be a catch.

"What're the side effects?" Jon questioned.

"There are none."

There were more gasps in the audience, and Jon just stared at him, incredulous. "That can't be true," Jon said.

The Commissioner shook his head. "Why would the government issue out a drug this miraculous to its citizens without eliminating any pesky side effects? Trust me Jon, this drug's one hundred percent safe."

Jon smiled, and decided to put his uneasiness aside to think more about at a later date. "This is amazing," he told the Commissioner. "When Bush died and Cheney was sworn in as president I thought bad, bad things were going to happen. But this, this is good."

The audience chuckled, then applauded, agreeing with him.

McClellan smiled warmly at them, accepting their approval. Jon turned away from the Commissioner when the director signaled that they were running out of time.

"Alright," Jon said while holding out The Pill so the cameras could see it, "The Pill will be released in pharmacies nationwide on Sunday, February 29th, and eventually will be released worldwide. We'll be right back." The audience cheered, and as soon as the show went into commercial Jon stood up and shook hands again with the Commissioner of the FDA, and whispered, "Thanks for coming on the show. I'll definitely try that pill of yours."

*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*

Jon lied. He wouldn't dare touch that pill again, and he told that to his wife adamantly as she washed the dishes that night.

"I don't trust that new pill that's coming out," Jon blurted out after watching out of the corner of his eye the news on the TV in the living room. The reporters were talking about The Pill and how great of a medical achievement it was, and it got on Jon's nerves.

Jon sat at the kitchen table while Tracey was at the sink, plucking dirty dishes from the kitchen counter beside her. Jon wanted to help her, but he couldn't bear to tear his eyes from the TV and even if he could, he knew Tracey wouldn't accept his help.

"Why? The Pill seems fine to me," said Tracey as she took out some dish soap and a scrubber.

"It just seems too perfect," Jon complained. "It can cure all of the diseases in the world and yet has no side effects. It just seems suspicious, that's all."

"Why can't you accept that the government is doing some good for the country?" Tracey asked as she wiped her first plate.

"It's just that—" Jon paused for a second, trying to organize his thoughts. "Ever since Bush died..."

Tracey sighed. "Not again..."

"Bush was poisoned!"

Tracey shook her head. "According to the autopsy, he died of natural causes!"

Jon raised an eyebrow. "You actually believe that? Bush was completely healthy during his second inauguration, how could that all change in a matter of days?"

Tracey sighed again as she started cleaning the silverware. "Jon, I know you think this is all suspicious but let the government handle it, okay?"

When Jon sighed Tracey stopped in the middle of washing a glass to sit down at the kitchen table next to her husband.

"Look at me Jon," she commanded, and Jon tore his eyes away from the TV to look into her eyes. "Nothing bad is going to happen, okay? Just to prove it, I'm going to try The Pill."

"You sure that's a good idea?" Jon asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. If The Pill is what it claims to be then you'll consider taking The Pill too, right?"

Jon nodded and Tracey smiled, satisfied. Feeling that the subject was closed she went back to washing the dishes, telling Jon how their kids' days went. Jon thoughts still was on The Pill, however, and he couldn't help but feel dread over what was going to happen on Sunday.

He didn't know how right he was. During the year ahead however, he would find out.


	2. Chapter 2

As soon as the clock struck midnight on Saturday night pharmacies across the country opened and the crowd flooded in like it was Black Friday. The Pill bottles, which were previously standing tall on the shelves, now were long gone, taken by customers in their haste to get to them first. Mini fights broke out in the lines to the cash register, each person trying to shove through the crowd and be the first in line. Pharmacies earned millions of dollars within minutes. 

Stores ran out of the drug and had to barricade their doors because there still was a huge crowd banging the doors to get inside, even into the wee hours of the morning. By Sunday afternoon, 54 million bottles of the Pill had been sold, and trucks were moving all across the country to restock the stores.

Stephen Colbert heard about all of the chaos late Monday morning, he avoided watching the news to properly enjoy the week-long break from his job as correspondent of _The Daily Show with Jon Stewart_.

Stephen lazily switched on his television as he set about preparing some food before calling his family down for breakfast. Stephen and his wife, Evelyn, had decided beforehand that they were not going to buy the Pill so he watched the news with some disinterest. When the anchors began to report violence however, Stephen paid more attention to the screen. Apparently when some stores' stocks of the Pill ran low fights had broken out over the remaining bottles. 

To Stephen this seemed like an extreme reaction to a release of a new drug, but he also knew that this was no ordinary pill. One pill at its best could save hundreds of lives, and could relieve people of what ails them, no strings attached. It was truly extraordinary.

Despite the potential good The Pill could bring to the world, Stephen was aware of the potential harm it could bring also. Who knew the side effects of a pill that cure all illnesses? The government said there are none but Stephen knew that there had to be something, and he wasn't trying the Pill until he knew what.

Stephen opened his fridge, retrieved a carton of eggs, took a few out and swiftly cracked them into a white bowl. He beat them with a whisk and realized belatedly that he forgot to take out a pan. He also remembered that Evelyn told him that she had rearranged everything in the kitchen last night. Stephen groaned, and set about opening random cabinets in search of a pan.

After a few fruitless searches through the top cabinets Stephen came to the drawer below the sink. Inside it was something so surprising Stephen forgot all about the eggs. He picked up the white bottle, which was so small it fit snugly in his palm. Stephen observed its label closely, noting its long list of ingredients and nonexistent list of side effects. His fingers absentmindedly skimmed the jagged edges of the cap as his mind was elsewhere, drowning in a sea of betrayal.

That was the way Evelyn found him five minutes later, bowl of eggs forgotten and all of his mind focused on his hand. When she found out exactly what it was she immediately went into damage control. She began, "Stephen, you don't understand—"

"Why is this here?" Stephen demanded, waving the pill bottle around. "I thought we agreed not to buy this."

"The Pill has been having really good press lately, and a friend of mine, Kate, said she'd tried it and she'd felt better than she had in years, so I thought, what's the harm in trying it just once..."

"The Pill is risky!" Stephen exclaimed, shaking the bottle of a week's worth of The Pill for a single person rapidly. "There could be unthinkable consequences to trying this thing."

"I doubt having one pill could have the unthinkable consequences you're talking about," said Evelyn, unconvinced.

"I won't take the risk," Stephen declared.

"You don't have to!" Evelyn exclaimed. "This is just for me. But you can if you want to."

Stephen glanced between her and the pill bottle, indecision briefly flickered across his face. He wanted to do this with her, but without more information about The Pill he couldn't. He shook his head. "I don't think I could, Evie."

"Too much risk, huh?" she asked smiling, her way of telling him she didn't hold this against him. "If you change your mind, tell me. There's room in that drawer for two pill bottles, you know."

Stephen nodded, and Evie's gaze flickered to the bowl of eggs and back to Stephen. "By the way, the pan is in the bottom left cabinet."

*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*||*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*

The Pill requires that the user take one pill every day around the same time. Evie chose to take The Pill with her breakfast, so every morning she placed one pill next to her drink at the table. To remind Stephen that her offer to join her still stands she placed a capsule next to his drink too. Stephen always glanced at it, but made no move towards taking it.

Whenever Stephen had the chance to prepare a meal he honored his side of a deal and placed a pill next to Evie's drink, no matter how against it he is. However, he never leaves one for himself. Whether Evie notices or not, she never said.

Stephen would have given up the fight a long time ago if he wasn't suffering the biggest indecision since _Indecision 2004_. He wanted to join his wife but he knew he wouldn't commit, not without more information.

He watched _The Daily Show_ backstage when he wasn't on-air and listened intently as Jon publicly discouraged use of The Pill. Jon’s main point was how suspicious the timing of the release of the Pill was. Evie thought it was just paranoia but Stephen thought it raised some excellent questions like 'Why didn't we know about this new drug sooner?’ or 'How did the most incompetent U.S. Government in recent history manage to create a drug as perfect as The Pill?'

Jon also talked about the late Bush's death and how it was perhaps involved in the whole thing. "Bush had to have known about this drug, that much is obvious," Jon said when Stephen asked him about it during work Wednesday morning. "All I'm saying is that he might've been killed because if it." Bush's death was one of the greatest mysteries of the decade because nobody could figure out how a healthy man like George W. Bush die as sudden as he did. No one could try because the government managed to cover it up and media were too lazy and find out some answers themselves. So they inaugurated Cheney within the week and went on with their lives.

It now seemed like that was the wrong thing to do, but it was hard to do anything about that since the first thing Cheney did in office was mark the files on the issue confidential and now any details of Bush's death is inaccessible to the public. Jon thought that Cheney was hiding something, and Evie thought that proved Jon was paranoid. Stephen didn't know who to believe.

Evie was his wife, therefore he should trust her the most. But Jon, despite his slight case of paranoia ever since Bush died, the made most sense. So Stephen was stuck in his indecision, every morning anxiously walking up to the kitchen table to find the same sight of the tablet next to his drink and nowhere near choosing between who to trust.

As Stephen fought his internal war he was so distracted that he couldn't see the hurt look on Evie's face each time he gave her his pill back.


	3. Chapter 3

Jon didn't really see it at first.

Work at _The Daily Show_ was busier than usual since Cheney's first one hundred days came to a close. It came to a point where they didn't even have time for proper lunch break. Despite his hectic work schedule, Jon began to notice some odd behavior of people around him.

Because it's part of his job, the first place Jon saw it was on his television. It was barely noticeable, but a news expert like Jon would be able to spot it instantly. On any issue everyone, including the reporters, the panels and even the anchors if they have a chance, agreed with the president. The first time he saw this he was watching FOX News, and lack of debate this caused was what first captured his attention. Jon made a mental note to mention this on the show later as he flipped channels to CNN to see what they thought. Turns out, they agreed with the president too. 

Knowing that this could happen from time to time Jon didn't take notice of it and changed the channel to MSNBC, convinced that he would find a different opinion there. When he found out even they agreed with Cheney, Jon began to suspect that something seriously wrong was happening. Jon watched the television closely over the next few days and figured out that everyone he saw, liberals and conservatives alike, on some level agreed with Cheney on practically everything. But only Cheney. When the story is about a new Democratic bill liberals and conservatives went back to their respective sides of the story.

It confused the hell out of Jon. 

When he asked Tracy if she noticed anything weird with the television news anchors lately, she said that, "Everything seems to be normal to me," and that Jon's "just paranoid." That was her typical response to any odd observation he's had lately. Before she used to listen to whatever he needed to say and this new dismissal of his concerns was worrying. 

Jon decided to keep any new things he noticed to himself. It wouldn’t be useful to discuss it with Tracey right now, she now thinks he's crazy. No, right now he needed to find someone else who has noticed the odd things that are happening lately. As Jon settled into bed that night he decided that he would talk about what he has noticed with his staff tomorrow and see what they thought. He hoped that they would agree with him because if not, then Jon will have to accept that maybe he was wrong after all.

*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*|||*

Stephen saw it within one crazy afternoon.

After work on Tuesday he went at a bar to meet up with his friends Amy Sedaris and Paul Dinello. The three of them have created television shows and wrote a book together ever since they met in Chicago when they all worked at Second City. They've been close friends for years so Stephen trusted them completely. Maybe they'll help him through his inner turmoil.

"Hey guys," Stephen began casually as he sipped the beer Paul ordered for him, "what do you think about The Pill?"

"I think it's great," Paul said, sipping his own beer. "Everyone's trying it, and I hear that it's true to its word. I was just thinking about taking it, actually."

Stephen looked at Paul in surprise. "You haven't taken The Pill yet?"

"No, the only sicknesses I've had recently are colds. It's not worth taking a pill everyday to prevent a simple cold, is it?"

"For me it is," Amy said. "Why would I suffer through a pesky cold when a pill can prevent that from happening in the first place? Plus, The Pill really helps during my period for the pain in my va—"

"Amy!" Stephen warned.

"Sorry, but it does!" Amy defended. 

"Why do you want to know what we think anyway?" Paul asked.

Stephen shifted in his seat. He was uncomfortable telling them the problems of his marriage so he made it look like it was entirely a work problem. "Well, I'm doing a correspondent piece on _The Daily Show_ and—"

"Stop thinking about work, Stephen!" Amy interrupted. "We all came here to get drunk and be crazy—actually, your boss is the latter so I guess you can't completely forget about work..."

"Wait, what do you mean?" Stephen asked, latching onto the most important part of Amy's ramblings.

"You haven't heard?" Amy asked incredulously, and Paul decided to fill him in.

"Word has been going around that your boss Jonny Stew has a first-class ticket on the Crazy Train," Paul explained.

"What? Jon is not crazy!" Stephen exclaimed.

"He's not totally insane, but to everyone he's getting there," Amy said.

Paul added, "He's been acting a bit paranoid since The Pill was released, and it's not helping his ratings, that's for sure."

"Just because someone does not like The Pill doesn't mean that they are crazy," Stephen stated.

"It does when practically everyone's in love with The Pill," Paul replied.

"That can't be true," Stephen said automatically.

"I'll prove it," Amy said. She shimmied out of the booth and stepped onto their table, drawing attention to herself. 

"Hey everybody!" she yelled and waited until everyone at the bar had their eyes on her. "Who here likes The Pill?"

Suddenly the room was full of raised hands. Everybody had raised their hand, Stephen checked. It seemed like The Pill is more popular than he originally thought. "All these people take The Pill?"

"Yep," Amy confirmed as she jumped down from the table, steadying herself with some help from Paul. 

"It can't be true," Stephen denied. "Everyone can't like The Pill. It's impossible!"

"Suck it up, Stephen," Paul said, "and just admit that Jon could be a little off the deep end."

"Never!" Stephen yelled because someone—anyone—has to share Jon's and his view on The Pill. A businessman, a janitor, even a Republican senator could share their opinion and Stephen had to find them because if he didn't then Jon and he are truly paranoid. And that can't be true since he has had a sinking feeling in his gut ever since he had first heard of The Pill and his gut was never wrong. Usually. 

So Stephen grabbed his brown coat, which was beside his seat in the booth. He then stood up and, ignoring the apologies and protests from Amy and Paul, ran out the bar. He grabbed the nearest pedestrian that was walking down the sidewalk outside the bar and asked a simple question: "Do you like The Pill?"

The person he grabbed, a blond male in his late thirties, responded, "Of course I do, who doesn't?" That wasn't the answer he wanted so Stephen shoved the man away and traveled down the street and grabbed another person, a woman in her early twenties this time. 

Stephen asked the same question and she said, "Yeah, so what?" Still dissatisfied, Stephen abandoned her and moved on to next person and asked the same question. 

He kept this up until he got home, and the strangers had varying reactions to being grabbed at random. Some shook him off and ran, others threatened to call the police, and one man took it as Stephen trying to pick a fight and almost punched Stephen in the face. 

Stephen managed to avoid any physical wounds by the time he opened the front door to his home, but still got some emotional ones. He couldn't believe that no one shared his opinions. On top of that, New York City in March is freezing cold, and even with his coat Stephen still felt frozen to the bone. 

So when Stephen gave Evie and his three children a quick kiss and plopped down on his seat around the dinner table what he wanted most was a relaxing dinner with his family. Stephen sighed at the usual sight of Evie's offered pill by his glass and by chance glanced at his kids and their dinners. What he saw had banished all thoughts off this being a normal dinner.

He was seething by the time everyone was settled in their seats and dinner had begun, but he decided not to draw attention to his anger and waited to talk about it with Evie at a time when the children weren’t in the room.

He was privately seething when Evie asked him how his day went. He responded tersely, telling her remarkably less about what happened at work than he usually did. When she tried to ask him about meeting with Amy and Paul, Stephen tried to avoid the subject entirely. His anger must of been radiating out of him because Evelyn started to talk- to their children, leaving him to stew over his angry thoughts in peace.

Soon enough dinner was finished, and as usual he placed his empty plate and glass in the sink and dropped The Pill in the trash. He unknowingly did it within the line of sight of his wife who, as usual, was hurt by the rejection. But Stephen didn't notice that, as usual, and set about getting his kids to bed before retiring to the master bedroom to talk to Evelyn. When Evie came in Stephen sat at the corner of their king-sized bed, his head in his hands, elbows on his knees and completely faced away from the door.

Evelyn, seeing that she was entering a tense situation, said tentatively, "Stephen..."

Stephen looked up at her sharply. "When did you start giving our children The Pill?"

Evelyn chuckled slightly, relieved. "Is that what all of this is about?"

Stephen stood up, finally turning around to face her. "Of course that's what this is about! Why didn't tell me?"

"It didn't seem like a big deal!" Evie answered.

"So? It wouldn't be hard to tell your husband, 'Oh honey, I decided to start feeding our children potentially harmful drugs! Just wanted to give you a heads up!'" Stephen said.

"For the record the kids asked for it. They said everyone in school is taking it, and they wanted to too."

"That doesn't mean it's safe!" Stephen exclaimed in frustration. "How can you trust The Pill when there's no actual proof of it working?"

"I'm living proof of The Pill's success, Stephen," Evelyn told him, "and I trust it with my life. So what are you going to believe, my judgement or that The Pill is untrustworthy?"

Stephen knew what answer that will get him on Evie's good graces, but he couldn't follow through with saying it. He wouldn't be completely truthful, and the worst thing he could do right now was lie. So he settled with, "Honestly, I'm not absolutely sure yet.” Evie nodded, understanding despite her disappointment that he couldn't answer what she thought was a simple question. 

The argument was over, for now, and they both got ready for bed. Stephen settled into bed, and as soon as the lights were turned off he was painfully aware of the space between him and his wife, something that has been happening lately ever since he expressed displeasure over The Pill. He didn't care much about at the moment, too focused on thinking about everything that's happened since that afternoon. One thing was for certain, The Pill was thought to be perfect and only Jon and he were the only people he knew so far that were against it.

On that subject, he also needed to tell Jon that he was on his side. He didn't want Jon to think that he was alone on this. With people whispering behind his back that he becoming paranoid, Stephen suspected that Jon would need someone to reassure him that he was still sane. Stephen decided to tell Jon sometime tomorrow because, truth be told, sometimes he also needed somebody to reassure him he was sane too, like when he ran out of the bar earlier.

With that settled, Stephen turned his thoughts from work to his home-life. He knew tensions were rising between Evie and himself, he just didn't know why. Well, he knew that it was about The Pill, but that's it. So, to ease the tension, Stephen was going to stop talking about The Pill entirely. His opinion on it is still the same but Stephen knew that if he still couldn't answer Evie's question he would make the situation worse. With a clear path to follow in the morning Stephen slept soundly that night. Unbeknownst to him, it would one of the last good nights of sleep he'll get. Because The Time of The Pill was dawning upon America, and there was no escape of its wrath.


End file.
